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He adjusted his cheap Mediterranean marketplace rip-off Ray-Bans and threw the guitarist—the Diva—an approving glance.As always on stage, he reminded himself why he, a guitarist of over twenty years, had filled the vacancy as bassist in a barely-three-chord amateur punk band: he didn’t need the hype—nor the pathetically young groupies that preferably swarmed the sun-kissed, long-haired dreamy-looking surfer beau who could barely count to four, let alone play non-accidental free jazz on his out-of-tune Duesenberg. Teeth for a blowjob, he chuffed in his thoughts, signature grin on his lips.Ed preferred to be the weirdo in the background, radiant in his sheer presence, eccentric performance and shrill attire: fluorescent-laced, worn-out Bordeaux-colored doc Marten’s, baby blue Bermuda shorts, synthetic unbuttoned Hawaii shirt revealing his xylophone-rib abdomen and a reversed baseball cap with his favorite rapper’s logo on it. Why? Because punk rock, that’s why! Even the washed-out. There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence.This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn’t he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence?He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn’t realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: “CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN”From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.“I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that.”BOY: [calls 911] “Hello? I need your help!”911: “All.
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